Only Hope

I have applied to many jobs this year.  I have had interviews, call backs and the cherished rejection letter in the mail formatted nearly always the same.

Dear Miss Austin,

Thank you for your application to (insert business name here) for the position of (insert job I wanted here), we were impressed by your credentials but chose an applicant who more closely fit our requirements (insert where my eyes fill with tears and I experience the sad, sulking feel of rejection). Thank you for applying to ( insert name of buisness again, just in case I forgot already).

Sincerely, (person in charge of hiring, who really doesn’t care).

I applied a few weeks ago for,in my mind, THE perfect job, the perfect location, the perfect income, the perfect experience. Everything in me WANTED this job. Working in the small job market here in Pullman has been—-challenging——but I’ve been confident that something will turn up. So it seems it had with this job.

I got the call back, I had the interview, I made the impression, I gave the answers, I have the training, I have the degree, it all made perfect sense.

I didn’t get the job.

I got the call about 10 minutes before village on Thursday, and honestly, it was a little too much like bad timing. I practiced deep breathes and made sure my eyes were as open as could be, so the tears would evaporate as fast as they could. For about 10 seconds I felt myself sliding into self pity, hopelessness and depression. It felt like my one chance had come by and I blew it. That was it. I was selling my soul (and my dry hands and chemical burned lungs) to DABCO for the remainder of my life.


I’m not going to do that again. I’m accountable to how I respond, no matter how much this SUCKS. God made this day, He called it blessed. He has shown ridiculous faithfulness in my life. I AM NOT going to sulk/feel sorry for myself/doubt His plan. And I whole-heartedly know He has a plan for my life, obviously it isn’t “my plan” but that is okay— it’s better than okay—- it’s perfect.

I’m starting to get the impression that His plan isn’t on my time schedule and  it probably won’t make me look good or make much money—-but it’s perfect. Itmight not be anything I like, and I might not use my hard fought, expensive college  degree—-but it’s perfect. It’s HIS perfect plan. Not mine.

Switchfoot has been my muse this week.

Sing to me the song of the stars

of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again

when it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me the plans you have for me over again.

I pray to be only yours, you’re my only hope.

So that is my prayer…. Remind me of your perfect plans you have for me, you are my ONLY hope, I need Your assurance, I need Your strength to keep me holding on to You, grant me patience and a peaceful heart. Thank You for Your faithfulness although I am weak and untrusting, You sustain me. I love You.


One Comment on “Only Hope”

  1. beka says:

    I am proud of you, keep trying! The right one is out there! What is crazy is that the “right” one to us may not be the right one to Him. I am reading the book, Crazy Love (Francis Chan) and I just read a section about time… how God is eternal, therefore He exists outside of time – which we can never understand because we live within it. Like, everything began at a specific time, but it was all created by a God that has always existed – no time. I know I’ll never get it lol. But I thought of that when I read what you wrote… He does not run on time, but has perfect timing.

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