I know you… but I’ve never met you

So I got a job! Woo hoo! Yes… finding a job has not been my strong suit this semester (and yes I still measure time in semesters even though I’m no longer a student, I plan on doing this until I leave Pullman, it makes things simpler).

My job is cleaning apartments for a huge apartment complex in Pulllman, they are ever expanding and rarely give your deposit back, I now know why.

ANYWAY. I’ve been cleaning quite dirty apartments for the past 3 days, the dirty scale goes like this

White = brand spanking new, glowing with clean , 1/2 of work, no charge to the former tenent

Green = Pretty gosh darn clean, cleaner than I leave an apt, but not up to DAB… excuse me… the “complex’s” standards

Yellow = This is probably where I leave my apts, clean for all intents and purposes, but not shining, a few little messes.

Red = Code red, when things get gross, lots of crumbs, stains, holes in walls, dirty dirty dirty (there is the biggest difference between yellow and red, there should probably be orange too).

Black = This makes me cringe in fear. In one word: FILTHY, usually black is when tenents simply move out, no cleaning, and usually when the tenent was less than sanitary as well.

On my first day, my first apartment was code Black, uhg, 10 hours and a few haulted gag reflexes later we had a clean apt ready for new life.  It’s grunt work, but something interesting, and even though the tasks are menial I still find solace in them and satisfaction in a job well done. And most importantly it pays! And that I’m very very thankful for!

What fascinates me is how much I can know about the former tenent from merely cleaning up their sh** (excuse me, but on occasion, I mean the former word quite literally). I know whether it was a women (foundation splashes on the mirror and behind bathroom sink, EVERYTIME), or a man (toliet… I think you know where I’m going).

What the person ate (tomato sauce splatters, broken pasta on floor, mass quantities of cheese its under stove, crusty green SOMETHING in fridge) or whether they cooked much at all, the oven fan is a dead give away.

Whether the person cuts their nails routinely or only when their fellow classmate cry out “OMG what is that growing out of your toe???”

What sort of hair you had… short blonde or long curly brunette locks (oddly enough all over the fridge… any answer on that mystery?)

I know whether you smoked, if you had lots of furniture, if you spilled blue koolade down your wall, if you opened your window often, if you stored your garbage under the sink, if you used your deck, if you had a bike, if you wore big muddy boots, if you hung up your clothes, if you took bubble bathes, if you used your garbage disposal, and a host of other random things, which I plan on continuing to document.

I have put together rough descriptions for the former tenets while scrubbing the linoleum, mostly to past the time and some out of interest.  Almost could be considered a form of identity theft…

and although my sexist self would consider the male apartment to be loads worse than the female apartment, my opinions have been called into question.


One Comment on “I know you… but I’ve never met you”

  1. beka says:

    This post made me laugh, oh the colors!
    I am having issues with them right now actually! 🙂 Did you go into mine by chance? lol I got a fee… and I feel like I left it at at least a green if not white. BUT when I moved in and it was a yellow flirting with red (we’ll say orange). Cat hair, dirty floor and cabinets etc. yet – I got charged. 😦 I am glad you are working for them so they are not getting ripped off by someone checking it off as white. lol, ok I’m done.
    miss you!

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